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Music in Substitution of Angry Rant

"This song really cures the will to live"

-Fave quote from Definitely, Maybe

I have, throughout the past several days, been trying to write a response to Love's Apology in F major, Waltz Time.  It would be an understatement for me to say that I've been pretty pissed off at the prospect of having to apologize for the things said in photographs and writing-and it seems as though over the past month or so, we have been urged to do just that.  

Heres the thing:

And I believe I can speak on behalf of Love as well when I say that there isn't anything written or depicted here that is personally incriminating or that hasn't been spoken of prior to the individual in question.  FURTHERMORE, (I speak for myself alone, although I'm sure Love would agree) I feel as though I've been a bit more gentle than I have needed to be.  

So this in a nutshell is the blog I have been interrupted from in the past few days.  In short: I'm not sorry for anything I have said in my photos or words.  I pick them carefully for a reason.

BUT that isn't the blog I want to write today.  

Instead I want to respond to Love's music blog.  

She listed some music she listens to when she writes, and I'm going to list the music I put on when editing photos.  Thematically, most of mine are similar sad songs, because it is difficult to produce anything wonderful when you are happy.  It is a cruel truth.

Which is probably why I haven't made anything good lately...

Here goes-

Honey and the Moon: Joseph Arthur

Unsent: Alanis Morissette

2 Wicky: Hooverphonic

Baton Rouge: Lou Reed

Carry Me Ohio: Sun Kil Moon

Tiny Vessels: Death Cab for Cutie

Paper Bag: Fiona Apple

Hurt: Johnny Cash

Behold! The Nightmare: Smashing Pumpkins

Just like Tom Thumb Blues: Bob Dylan

Pretty Good Year: Tori Amos

Dosed: Red Hot Chili Peppers

Living Room: Tegan and Sara

Wandering Star: Portishead

Divorce Song: Liz Phair

Pretty Girl from Chile: Avett Brothers

Truly, Truly: Grant Lee Buffalo

Rockville: R.E.M.

Lake of Fire: Nirvana cover of Meat Puppets song

Caroline: Old Crow Medicine Show

Caroline: David Grey

Candy Says: The Velvet Underground

You're Not the Only One I know: The Sundays

Street Spirit: Radiohead

Chicago: Sufjan Stevens

Sun or Snow: Chuck Regan and Austin Lucas

Men's Studies?

I spent two hours in my favorite store (Barnes and Noble) with my friend Mike yesterday evening.  We discussed the various books we were and had been reading...laughed a little bit at the Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy and Batman and Philosophy duo that were inches away from books written by Nietzsche.  Perhaps the most entertaining/brain exploding find of the day was this little number:

Save the Males

Save the...males?  Really?!  I apparently scoffed at this much louder than was appropriate and I'm not sure whether Mike got offended or was just trying to play devil's advocate.  He began with some very fitting questions (he is quite aware of my feminist tendency), and eventually I had to admit...TO BE FAIR, yes...apparently there COULD be such a field as Men's Studies.

The book included various chapters on the male experience.  The one that really caught my eye was one that pleaded for women to let go of their "trivial" daddy issues.  Obviously this person has never had daddy issues and- 

"Wait, What!?"

I was then blind sided by something else:  A woman wrote this book.

Really!?

Which brings me to my next question:

Me: "How objectively can you really write about the male experience if you are indeed not male, thus have never had said male experience?"

Mike: "Well, there are men who are in Women's Studies classes?"

(This is true...although I am inclined to say that any man who takes one of these classes is either gay or trying to appear sensitive in order to con a unsuspecting, daddy issue laden, angry, damaged girl into thinking that "all men are indeed not like their fathers and that maybe they should just sleep with this guy and give him a chance to change her mind and then maybe everything will be ok and...and...and"      Ok to be clear, yes I am a feminist, but I do not hate men)

Me: "This is true, but are those people writing the text books for the classes in this major?  That is like little blonde-haired-green-eyed-me writing a huge piece on how racism feels to the black American man!  It just doesn't work like that!  I could be the most intelligent person on this Earth and I still wouldn't even believe me!  EMPATHY is not synonymous with EXPERIENCE."

With all due respect to the carriers of external equipment...while pregnancy is still considered an "illness" to insurance companies (and under lots of private plans goes uncovered) and birth control pills are often harder to obtain than Viagra, I don't think males are in need of saving...

But there is one thing I do know for sure; I'm clearly going to have to read this book now.  GRR!

VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

Everyday is Exactly the Same.

"Someone once told me that this is the age of heartbreak.  The twenties.  Everyone and everything available to you if you'd but only ask.  What an amazing problem.  If you have everyone from with to choose-who then do you choose?  If you have every job to take-what is the one you should take?  What if you make the wrong choice?  When do you know if it is wrong?  What does wrong feel like?  What does right feel like?"

-Katie Wright, September 2007

It is amazing how much can change in a year.  It is amazing how much nothing ever changes.

A year ago I was going out of my mind trying to organize a gallery show, and worried if I would ever get a job after grad school.

Today I'm going out of my mind trying to organize a gallery show, and worried if I am EVER going to get a job after...well...all the rejection.

I think it is easier now.  I have seen all of this before.  Maybe now my skin is thicker.  Maybe the process is becoming mechanical.  Should I be relieved at this?

Savannah never felt like home.  

Here-there isn't any way I could be more at home.  

Last year I would have been absolutely shocked at the knowledge I would not have a (real) photo job in September 2008.

These days-in some way I'm thankful that at least I've got the jobs I have-although I do not feel fulfilled at all.  Does this mean I've failed myself? 

This time last year I was with someone who I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

Today that relationship is over, and I feel as though I learned a great deal about myself in the process.  And for perhaps the first time in my life I feel complete in my solitude.  Am I supposed to feel like that?  But, I'm not getting any younger...

 

At what point do we stop questioning ourselves and just start living?

Have you met my friend Lindsay?

"We do not like to look out of the same window and see a different landscape.

We do not like to climb a stair, and find that it takes us down.

We do not like to walk out of a door, and find ourselves in the same room.

We do not like the maze in the garden, because it too closely resembles the maze in the brain.

We do not like what happens when we are awake, because it too much resembles what happens when we are asleep.

We understand the ordinary business of living,

We  know how to work the machine."

-T.S. Eliot, The Family Reunion

Lindsay is pretty much my soul mate.  We went to the same middle school and high school and hated one another.  We shared many of the same high school boyfriends (one of which is now gay-probably because of us).  We look like we could be related (which added insult to injury during this period).  We became tennis partners my junior year of high school and hate turned to absolute love.  She and I are alike in so many ways.  We're both of that same "artsy chick" species that seems SO (wrongly?) elusive.  We both went to graduate school for really expensive degrees that are absolutely doing no service for us in the here an now.  We're both newly single and confused as sh*t.  We both would much rather have a used book brought to us on a first date in lieu of flowers.  We both have those periods of inner soul searching that mostly result in breathless, cold-sweat-ridden-hysteria.  But we have a knack of giving each other really solid advice (that we have a tendency not to follow ourselves).  She makes my life infinitely richer by merely existing.  

And because of all this-you should read her blog.  She is the smartest, most witty, most fall out of your chair hilarious writer I've had the chance to read.  This is her blog.  Make sure you read this one: Foucault?  Derrida?  Descartes?  Vodka.

In other Lindsay news, she will be doing a reading/performance at the upcoming starving artist group show I'm putting together for mid-October.  Details to follow.  :)

100 things about me you never needed to know.

"You are the music while the music lasts."

-Eliot

1.  I will drink Pepsi only under extremely DIRE circumstances.  Otherwise it is Coca-Cola all the way.

2.  I always order a #2 with only cheese and ketchup when at McD's.  For some reason, it tastes even better if it is being ordered at 4 am.

3.  No matter what anyone thinks, my eyes are green.  Not blue.

4.  I hate Merlot.

5.  I love war movies.

6.  I've got a mean topspin serve in ping-pong.  This was my only defense whilst playing with my older brother.  He'd beat me every time.  Jerk.

7.  I got a concussion once from a lacrosse ball.  Oddly enough, this occurred during a tennis match.  I played anyway and we won.  Take that North County!

8.  4 of my front teeth are crooked.  You can see it if I am above you.

9.  I had braces for 3 years.

10.  I had a mean set of buckteeth when I was a little kid.

11.  I never needed glasses until after going through my thesis.  

12.  I'm supposed to be wearing them now (for computing), but I never wear them.

13.  When I was a little kid, I was convinced that I would someday marry Michael J. Fox. 

14.  After Michael J. Fox, I was in love with Jonathan Brandis.

15.  My first (celebrity) crushes either killed themselves (Brandis) or got Parkinsons (Fox).

16.  I first began to ride the metro (alone) at age 9.

17.  I always knew I wanted to be an "artist."  

18.  As an adult, I now think it is immensely pompous to refer to myself as an "artist."  I'll stick to "conceptual photographer."

19.  The first camera I used was one I stole from my brother.  What?  He was too busy playing ping-pong.

19.  I know all the words to all the songs in Les Miserables.

20.  I don't like the texture of fish that swim.  The taste is also pretty gross too.  I only eat shellfish.

21.  I never learned higher math than algebra.

22.  When I gain weight, the first place you see it is my face.

23.  I lost about 20 lbs. after getting my MFA.

24.  I love angry chick music.

25.  My least favorite color is pink.

26.  Grateful Dead, The Rolling Stones, and Genesis all remind me of riding in my dad's car as a little kid.

27.  The Eagles and the Beatles remind me of riding in my mom's car as a little kid.

28.  My favorite band as a kid was Queen.

29.  I almost minored in Criminal Justice when I was in college.

30.  I was in ROTC in high school.  For a year.  That certainly didn't help my image.

31.  I've always had a semi-secret desire/curiosity about joining the military.

32.  I've taken 2 guys down.  One was out of self defense.  The other was probably because you aren't supposed to hit a girl back.

33.  I should have been Asian.

34.  I prefer regular ol' Budweiser to Bud Lite or Miller Lite.

35.  I detest shorts/pants that have something written across the butt.     ex: *PINK*     *CAPE COD*

36.  My first concert was Chris Isaac/Tina Turner.

38.  I have a hard time imagining how people ever survived without lotion, chapstick and toothpaste.

39.  My dad used to cut my fingernails so short they would bleed.  As an adult, I can't stand to have them much longer than that.

40.  One of my biggest turn offs is a guy with long nails.

41.  I am part Cherokee.  I attribute my ability to get tan despite being so fair solely to this.

42.  My father's side is also somewhat distantly related to Abraham Lincoln.

43.  My mom's side has primarily consisted of really poor people from Poland and England.

44.  I have a long lineage of sailors on both sides.  And because of this I feel that I should be allowed to say as many bad words as I can, as much as possible.

45.  I also link that lineage to my seemingly evolved iron stomach.  I have been hung over maybe only twice in my life.  I do not test this much, however.

46.  I have allergic reactions to pretty much all soap.

47.  I have an extreme phobia of germs.

48.  Before I moved to the south I thought "sweet tea" was the raspberry flavored lipton.

49.  My top 3 favorite writers are T.S. Eliot, Albert Camus, and Elizabeth Wurtzel.

50.  When I was in college (at Maryland) I worked the "late night" shift at the cafeteria.  My best friend Nicole and I scooped ice cream.  We always had the longest line.

51.  I currently have a huge crush on my 3rd grade boyfriend.

52.  I'm obsessed with lol cats, and marriedtothesea.

53.  I hate running.

54.  I love flip flops and cowboy boots.

55.  I've never so much as put "sun-in" in my hair.  And recently some young snot that works in a salon told me that it is virtually impossible to be over 30 and still a natural blonde.  I've got less than 5 years, that chick is going DOWN!

56.  I like R.E.M. -sorry Mike

57.  I once wrote a 30 page art history research paper in 2 days.  I had to stay up for two full nights.  I got an A on it.  We can chalk this up as another success story in the history of ADD medication. 

58.  I have 3 birth marks.

59.  I've got an ever-growing admiration for folksy sounding country music.

60.  When I was in middle school I got made fun for my larger lower lip.  The boys told me that when I died, they would cut if off and use it as a speed bump.  It upset me a lot then.  Now I think my lips are hot.

61.  I almost got a tattoo once.  Had my money in hand and knew what I wanted, and the guys at the shop told me I couldn't get it the way I wanted, so I didn't get it.  Haven't gotten the nerve to go back to a tattoo place...yet?

62.  I listen to words more than melody.

63.  I've been told that I snore quietly.

64. My left arm is over two inches shorter than my right.

65.  I listen to NPR.

66.  Things touch me differently from others.  I can easily be moved to tears by a TV commercial.  

67. I wear men's deodorant.  I'm not a big sweater, but that crap for women doesn't cut it.  

68.  When I was in high school I wore men's Polo Sport.  I like masculine smells.

69.  I was born on the cusp between Aries and Taurus.  According to some calendars, 4:20 is the last day of Aries, to others it is the first day of Taurus.  I see both of those in me oddly enough.  And equally.  It is a sea-saw between stubbornness and thoughtfulness...between loud and quiet...and sometimes between rage and soft tears: schizophrenically different emotions.

70.  My middle name is from my Grandmother: Elizabeth.

71.  I was supposed to be called "Kathy" instead of Katie.  My parents had agreed on it, and whilst coming to after her emergency C-section, my mother heard my father on the phone telling everyone about "Katie!"  This could be why they're not married anymore.  lol

72.  I want to birth only boys.

73.  I hate lima beans.

74.  I love kisses on the forehead.

75.  66.6% of my cars have been Mazdas.

76.  I am a red lipstick or chapstick only type of girl.

77.  My shoe size is 6.5

78.  I wax my own eyebrows.

79.  I love the Clintons.

80.  I hate being cold.

81.  I was an honor roll student in high school.  The only "C" I ever got was in grad school.  I think I cried, but I kind of needed a good kick in the ass at that time.

82.  My cat is pretty much like my child.

83.  When I was in elementary school I'd get made fun of for being so blonde.  The boys would call me an albino.

84.  I don't drink coffee.

85.  I hate how a lot of members of my generation think it is no big deal to be late or totally flake out when something is planned.

86.  I love cheese/all things dairy.  But I'm trying to quit.

87.  I've only gotten one speeding ticket.  It was in Starke, FL (which I later found out was the "speed trap capital of the nation").  It was for $250.  I drove 3 hours to fight it and the cop never showed up.  :)

88.  I am a serial reader.

89.  I like red things.  Especially red furniture.

90.  Mosquitoes absolutely love me.

91.  I have been wearing a jade bracelet for two years now.  At the beginning it was supposed to test out whether or not I could handle having a tattoo...something on the body, at all times, clashing with outfits, etc.  Now it is symbolic of more.

92.  I am obsessed with skin care products.

93.  If I never set a finger on a PC again I'll be happy.  Mac all the way.

94.  My least favorite month of the year is February.  Lots of people I love have died this month.  And Valentines day is also during that month.  I've never had a good Valentines day experience.  This past year, my now ex-boyfriend didn't send or do anything for me on the 14th (he lived in Miami).  He stated that he "didn't think I was into that kind of thing" (!?!?!?!) and then begrudgingly sent me flowers on the 15th.  My step-dad felt bad that I'd gotten nothing on Valentines day so he hurried to CVS to get me a box of chocolate.  The first month after we broke up, ex-boyfriend sent me flowers every week (see above photo).  To little too late buddy.

95.  I have extremely oily skin.

96.  In college I was part of a fake sorority.  We called ourselves Beta Delta Kappa Alpha (Badunka) and would go out the same night as the real houses and chalk up the sidewalk.  While Tri-Delta would advertise their annual ice cream social, we'd entice people to come ride camels in the cafeteria.  We even made shirts and had sorority colors: ebony and black.  Our flower was a dandelion.

97.  If I was stranded on a island with access to only seven things, they would be a knife, rope, an infinite supply of wine, chapstick, lotion, toothpaste, and Vince Vaughn.  He'd keep me busy making me laugh and we could spend lots of spare time populating the island.

98.  I am 18% body fat.

99.  I am a piler.  I pile things up.  It drives my parents crazy, but pretty much know what you can find in each pile.

100.  The clock in my car doesn't work and I don't wear a watch...so I can never leave my cell phone at home.

But wait! Theres more!

"Remember the words of Chairman Mao: 'Its always darkest before it's totally black.'"

-John McCain

AND apparently Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant.  Thats awesome!  Maybe if a little less time was spent teaching creationism and a little more time teaching that "x-rated sex-ed class," that poor girl wouldn't be in this debacle.  

AND after writing my last blog I came across Palin's alleged dislike of polar bears.  Apparently she doesn't think they should be added to the endangered species list.  Why you ask?  I think it has a lot to do with her drive to drill in the National Parks up there.  Thats not going to work so well with all those darn endangered species running around.  

I changed up the background after trying to read one of my blogs and having my eyes hurt afterwards.  The black background with the white lettering is no good for reading.  My pictures will look a lot less sexy without the black background, but such is life.