8-Year-Old Love

"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise."

-Freud

I was logging onto MySpace yesterday and WHAM!  You have a friend request from one "Andy Routzahn"

Andy Routzahn

ANDY Routzahn!

Andy my little 8-year-old heart becomes twice its size and beats out of my chest every time you walk into our 3rd grade class room Routzahn!

I loved Andy Routzahn.  I loved him so desperately with all of my 3'10, 60 pound being.

Andy and I went to elementary school together.  We both lived in a little town called Trappe, MD, that I'm sure many of you have driven through on your way to Ocean City,  but failed to notice.  It is located directly past Easton and before Cambridge known by most for little more than the one stop light and gas station on RT. 50.  ANYWAY, I don't quite remember the first time I laid eyes on him, but the memory of his little 8 year old smile lined by rows and rows of freckles is burned in my mind.  He had the kind of smile that was so big that his eyes would mutate into little crescents of dark brown.  My little 8-year-old mind was convinced that he was absolutely the one for me. 

After the usual, "Hey man, been a while, hows life?" one liners I worked up the courage to confess the immeasurable love that I felt for him as a little girl.  Kind of.  I figured that I would sound like a lunatic if I informed him the way I've been informing all of you here, so I said it in a way that seemed as though I couldn't QUITE remember.  Ha!

He replied with:

"Haha wasn't White Marsh wonderful...and I'm pretty sure we got "married" in 3rd grade.  I remember people brought their recorders to recess for the ceremony."

I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT!

HOW DOES AN 8-YEAR-OLD FORGET HER OWN WEDDING WITH THE "MAN" OF HER DREAMS!?!

Well...I'm actually not surprised.  

Upon recollection I do remember that he came to school that day all dressed up with flowers for me.  By recess I was so nervous and worked up because EVERYONE was talking about the big event, that I just decided I couldn't go through with it.  At recess I was hiding with one of my friends when the sea of children came to find me.  They dragged me from my hiding place over to where Andy was standing (next to the tire swing) completely composed, smiling bravely, SO ready to begin the rest of his 8-year-old life with the "woman" he loved(?).  I don't quite recall the outcome, but I seem to think it involved teachers breaking up the masses of kids around this blond, sobbing, little girl.  I'd left him at the (tire swing) altar.  Perhaps it was just too painful for me to remember.

The sad reality to this tale is the fact that now, 17 years later, I can still recall what that felt like.  I can remember the intensity of those feelings.  It was maybe the purest love that there could ever be.  And as a result it seems so much stronger than what one is able to feel as an adult.  These days so many things get in the way of that pure love: jobs, money, sex (some people might say the opposite but this is MY blog), distance, money, time, ex-partners, infidelities,  baggage, substance abuse, intellect, road rage, you  name it.  Ok so yes, I know that love at 8-years-old lacks quite a bit of depth (to say the least) and as a result is bound for a rather dim future.  Even still, at 8-years-old, you have nothing more to care about than the one you love.  I think that this can be the only time when someone can truly be your entire world.

And does this mean that I'm going to have to stop doubting that 18-year-old I work with at Starbucks who gushes over her 33-year-old boyfriend of 3 weeks, with 2 kids, and a not quite divorced wife, that she met in N.A.?  Um...yeah, that's a bit too much to ask. 

Andy Routzahn is still adorable-in a much more adult way.  Those freckles are not they were (which is tragic), but I believe he is making up for it with tattoos.  After high school he joined the military and left after his four years in 2005 when he decided that it wasn't for him.  He is currently back in Iraq, because they called him back in 2007 for a year.  Pretty messed up...don't even get me started.  He is in my thoughts.

And I promise to stop this writing nonsense in favor of posting photos just as soon as I figure out how to do it.  Stop laughing.